not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
