The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
