Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize