After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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