I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
