How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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