how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
