New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
