Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
