I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Drunk is not a location!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
