You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
