i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
