I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
don't judge my taste in strippers
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize