Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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