Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Boobs are out for the taking
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
