Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
