What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
