I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
