Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
