did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
