You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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