My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
