Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
