The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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