gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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