Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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