But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am available for nakedness
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
