i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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