If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
