He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
