Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize