Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
