even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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