Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
