I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
