My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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