i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
