After last night, I could never be a politician.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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