i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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