are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize