He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
