my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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