It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
