first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
MIDGETS
????
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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