A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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