Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
