either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
