fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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