We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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