I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
