i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need water and some morals
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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