I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
