Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think I just sharted jello shots
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