Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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