The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
