when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
