fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My bed smells like the plague
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
