I can tuck mytits in my pants
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
