Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
