and you said cock pushups were impossible
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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