I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
