he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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