whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
