I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
