I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
