My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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