just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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