I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
