Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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