I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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