I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
