just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
