...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
