his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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