is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
