Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
