where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
