I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
