sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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