Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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