I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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