there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
