beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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