I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
