I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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