I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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