My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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