My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize