if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
