I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
