I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
