so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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