we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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