I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
