Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
