She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize