dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
